Paul, Paul, Paul....

Paul McCartney and I slung our bodies halfway over the banisters, leaning over the murky Thames. The river was endlessly gray....gray gray gray gray gray gray gray
But no harm ado; Paul is here....
We were cruising, apparently, in this terrible cold afternoon.
And it was Christmas.

"So this is Christmas...." I started, out of the blue.
"And what have you.... done....." Paul followed. "Another year over...."
"....And a new one just begun...."  A huge smile was spread all over my face.
"That's a really nice song, I like it." he said.
"Yeah," I nodded.

And thought:
"The way you say 'year over'....in that special, Paul-ish  way....it's brilliant. Simply, outrageous, BRILLIANT...!"

Paul said nothing much as he looked over the horizons with a muzzly-look on his face. A muzzly-look; as if he were going to sneeze and burst out laughing at the exact same time. There were few people around, as we shared a sense of strangely comforting peace.

"...What's your favourite Beatles' song?" Paul asked me, some while after.
"....my all time.....all time... favourite would be, 'I'm Only Sleeping'...and 'Michelle'...!...and 'For No One'. "
Paul shrugged and nodded somewhat proudly.
"And yes," I continued, "I loved that little session you held once."
"Which one?"
"That....awfully little one. Sorry, it didn't leave much of a mark. It was a bit like Roger....Robert Wyatt."
Paul gave me a terribly puzzled look. "Robert Wyatt?"
"Robert Wyatt. He was popular in the sev----"

Then I realised that this may not even be the 70's. Maybe I was enjoying the multi-dollar pleasure of talking to a 60's-Paul McCartney.  (WOWS....)

I shrugged.
"He's a cool guy with cool music. You'd like him, he's like a living artform of one of those pictures snipped out of 'Sgt.Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band'."
"Psychedelic, I see."
"Like a pantalone....in striped pants, sky-blue and canary yellow. With a stalk on his head."
"Stalk....a carrot." Paul beamed.
We were a funny bunch.

"Merry Christmas Paul," I mumbled. I adored his young and snug face for an eternity of a second. "Paul....."
"Yeah?"
"...Just live? Please, just live."
Paul gave me a huge-sunshine-blazing smile, and sneezed like a hurricane.

Multiple encounters were met between the two sets of corridors, parallel conversations making their way through the walls, beneath the Earth's surface....

In one corridor;
"I rated those too harshly. I was, you know.... out of my mind then."
"Oh yeah, I couldn't bear to release mine either!"


In another;
"Your report. Is it coming?"
"Well, uh.....sort of, I'd say...."
"Don't look at me so sheepishly, just tell me..."


*        *         *         *

I was driving down the left of a three-lane road. The middle lane was a bypass.
It was surely a thrilling nightmare.
I cranked up my seat lever about 6 times before my face could peer out of the dashboard. I didn't remember anything I'd learned in driving school. Cars were zooming by, one actually confronting me from head first----seconds later, I barely managed to swerve two lanes to the right. I'm not doing anything right....   

Some moments later, all is good. I'm on top of everything; my hand is steady, my gaze is held. The car chaos never learns to cease, but it's okay.

Nothing much had changed.
It was just me.


*       *       *        *

My teacher, back two years.
Whatever I said, he averted it.

It nearly spoke to me.
But those words blurted out were still undeciphered by the human age.

I'd unloaded a heap of happiness in midair...

Was he pedaling the bike, or not? I was always behind him, stuck together like two pieces of old cardboard craft..but somehow, I don't remember just clearly how we'd gotten there.

A fence. A medium high fence, chunky, made from fine brass. An artwork, it must've been--then it got lost among these countless thoughts, these uninturruptable countless thoughts....

"Up!" he said, and saddled over this metal object.
"I heard she got the announcement," I said, the words coming from the back of my throat. It didn't belong to me; it just came. "Aren't you going to go back soon?"
Something in the far horizons caught his eye. Slowly, he went over to the other side.
He gave me the most curious stare. And; "C'mon."
I soon joined him.

We rode out into the distance without much talk.
Then there began a series of alleys--a labyrinth in this tiny corner of the world.
An underground labyrinth it was, though somehow we never dug deep enough to go under.

Some friends of ours were already waiting. There was light shining like a true silver medal, its rays hovering over their hair. Bits of conversation were exchanged, fickle and miniscule as cookie crumbs.
The tunnel-like passage was long like a pencil, never turning and absolutely never ending. 2 of them sat, far away from eachother. The alley smelt like ancient smoke and velvet, with a hint of something burning.
"Wood chips melting?" someone asked.
"Oh," I suddenly said, "Wood chips."
"What?"
"I remembered this a long time ago."
"What did you remember?"
"This...."

The earth started to rumble and treble. We were inside a zoo, a crash, a saxophone tune! The ceilings were crumbling, falling apart.
Just like that scene from 'Spirited Away'....except there was no hussle of any sort, we were all in a mixed kind of outrageous vanity,
we knew it.

"95-70-45-20," he said, "my family's business goes down to this like me. Printing cards....truly useless, truly..so here I am at 20, about to embark on this boredom."

School. She beamed as she smacked her Chemistry paper against someone's desk.

"I got a ONE HUNDRED!" she shouted.
Some people gawked. Others applauded.
I wasn't there--I was thinking about something stuck in my back, a big red panel with blueish glue glopping down. It felt like a gigantic sticky starfish.

"Fish..." I exclaimed. 
"I got a ONE HUNDRED!" she shouted.

The theme was supermarket. We were all aligned, waiting for the bathroom to clear up. The buses had gone on an unexpected strike, and our bodies felt like lumps of coal as we dragged our feet to our stools. I somehow fainted along the way--but nobody took much notice. I jolted upwards and resumed walking; was I only pretending to faint?

Many people kept on congratulating me. I smiled.

I went outside, saw that I'd come out on the most familiar street in the city. Humming, I started to walk home. Then I reckoned I'd forgotten my camera in one of the stools, so I made a quick turn and went back.

The entire city was then wiped out by a massive, beautiful song.

I couldn't make it in time--my suitcase was far from being completely packed, its contents sprawled all over the bedspread. Such funky little garments; tens and hundreds of vintage buttons, headsets, stereo plugs, pom poms, green furry balls wrapped in cellophane, ginger snaps, bits of magnificent metal screws. I have no idea what made me spread them all over again, but one thing for sure, I just had to pack and had to leave.

ASAP.

Yet I couldn't get packing, no matter what.

Something was creeping from up behind me, I just knew. Creeps Creeps Creeps...
Then everything was brutally revealed--the same icy feeling spiralling down my spine.

Those shouts; those admirations!

*        *        *        *

I was too eager not to talk to him, but there wasn't much of an amiable conversation between us anyway. I reckoned that a long time ago...

"What happens if I don't make it in time?" I asked.
"You fall," he mumbled. "You fall fall fall until there's nothing left no more."
"Now, I'm here. Packing. All along this too familiar dialogue we must have shared some minutes ago------no, wait a minute-----last night!"

So this was a comeback of that scenario. The way I said 'waaaait a minute....' struck me as oddly familiar as well. As if someone, a friend, a long-lost buddy, was speaking through me like a see-through boombox..

"Dance with me?"
I nodded. "No."

I kept thinking of a scene that triggered something about...lettuce.
Lettuce-meat wrapped dishes.
And I didn't want to go back there anymore.

*        *         *         *

2 scenarios rolled side-by-side in the direction of ambivalence.
How on earth am I supposed to assemble the truth from there?

Glitter, fine--- choosing the right type of present with my Dad.
In an unfamiliar department store, set ready for another Christmas yet to come.
He chooses red; I chose silver. We decide.

Then I felt unbelievably good!

I was in a foreign land, a very foreign land indeed.

*      *       *       *
Killing time meant spending countless hours around closed coffee shops, merchandise, gift shops. Daytime was a nightmare--the sun was falling, shattering, glistening in wild colours.
We were once all evacuated into a large ballroom. A series of tsunami were evolving right before my eyes, as my mum endlessly chattered on about kitchenware. Nobody noticed how endangered we had become until the first of the series striked the full glass windows, water gushing through from the rubber seams.
Someone screamed.

*       *       *       *

Our way of travelling was usually by car. My dad drove me through a familiar arcade, only to find myself getting questioned by one of his friends (who'd chosen this moment to question me like an authority...), then I went over to my red car and met my maths teacher.

"You drive?" he asked, doubtfully.
"Yes." I answered without much thought. "Do you want me to drop you off somewhere?"

Only it wasn't my car. It was a red taxi---I'd gotten in before I knew it was a mistake.
"Sorry," I said, "Ah--oh well, can we carpool? He needs a ride." I nodded towards my maths teacher.
"Afraid not," the driver replied, "And you, you've got time?"
He then blasted off into infinity, my mind left swept away in some odd new dimension.

*    　 *    　 *     　*

And then there was Lily, who looked just like Yoko Ono.

I think it was Yoko anyway.

She drove the tiniest cool gadget, something like in between a Jaguar and a Mustang, its beatle-like surface glittering black. Whenever someone abruptly meantioned words like "rich", "lavish", "ridiculously pompous", she'd come roaring down, her car swerving all over the place.
One of the doors was always open when that happened; Lily always saved me.

After the taxi driver had plopped me off on a stranded highway, I somehow managed to find my way back to the arcade. Then I heard a great deal of swishing and revving and screeching, and found Lily waiting for me.

"Get in!" she shouted, "What on earth are you standing there for?"
Everything happened all so quick whenever I was with her--the next moment, we were blitzing through the street life, the night hanging way behind us.

"Lily? Can I ask you a favour?"
"Anything, just about anything," was her usual remark.
"I need some sunshine."
She looked at me with a comical, puzzled smile. "Sunshine?"

Two cakes were brought by the postman, both stuck on a white linen pillow.
One was a cherry-jello tart; the other, a strawberry cheesecake.
"Gifts." the postman muttered.
"From whom?"
"A woman."

There was a card;
"I suggest you come to the airport."

I then had a telephone call, which was abruptly silenced by darkness.

*     *     *     *

Dad, Mum, and I, at a red wooden deck table out on the terrace.
It was the restaurant scene at night, from Fellini's "Rome". Only it was in the bright afternoon.
A man and his gang sat on an open terrace by some apartments high up, and waved his wine glass at us.

We were meant to spray bits of petroleum all over our finished dishes--it was a task.
"But we're not going to do it." I stated. My Dad, however, looked quite unsure about it.
"Are you sure...?" he started, "I think we're going to be in trouble. Big trouble."
The man hollered over at us to start working.

Then the man threw his wine glass, making a clean hit on someone's baby carriage.
My Dad was furious. "No, I will not spray petroleum.....ever."

But in the end, a girl came over and sprayed petroleum all over our rusty table.
Someone lit a cigarette.

Nothing much happened.

The sky was cloudy, without a hint of anyother colour than the palest gray.

I thought I would see a whole night sky shimmering with bits of stars.
I thought wrong.

*    *    *    *

I met a friend on the way to my meeting.
I always expect to meet someone. Someone yes, but never do I meet her.
Now I do.

She is.... surprised!

Another familiar hotel it was.
It had red velvet carpets spread all over its interiors, stretching from corner to corner, even draping from the banisters. In fact, it was quite ambushed in red; only the golden doors of the elevator had the realm of reality, only I knew it was a dream. The building was a paradox. I always couldn't get to the 3rd floor, no matter which route I took.

Someone was calling me from the 4th floor. The elevator only went up to 2. I had to swerve all round the first block of buildings to reach a flight of stairs, then, toppling over some Christmas decorations, I found myself lost in a corridor of fountains. The fountains sprouted water silently, as if something were going to happen.
It reminded me of the lobby--the lobby of The Ministry of Magic of course.

I half expected someone to come tumbling out from the shadows.

*       *       *

Roaming about the garden(of the hotel) as usual, I looked at my watch and saw it was already ten past four. I had a plane leaving at four thirty; I didn't want to rush, but I had company waiting for me to start leaving. (we were going somewhere in a group of 4 or 5). So I sprinted back to my hotel room, only to find one of them lying quite still on the stony surface of the front lobby. Her reflection on the luminous floor was magical, and the fountains were falling ever so silently.

Suddenly the lights went on. ---Were they off?
She spoke. "We had to leave. We had to leave, but James Crocket forgot his suitcase in Berlin."
"James?" I repeated. "Which....which James?"
"Crooocket." she croaked.
"Oh. Crocket. Right. And.....so....."
"But we are leaving, you know. We are." she pressed. "But I just seem to like it here, stuck on the floor."
I shrugged. "I know. It makes you feel like you're lingering on the edge."
"I missed the edge..." she batted her eyes furiously. "Oh, wait, I know. I know, I know. I know."
"Yes?"

"You're the edge." she said.

In the dead of the night, someone was packing their suitcase in a frenzic rush.
Tattered socks of every colour were sprawled all over the bed sheets, along with bits of old newspapers and other kinds of everyday rubbish.
He stopped. Someone was coming in. He rushed into the bathroom, closed the door and waited.

He had a crimson ticket in his hand, which he now stared with feverish excitement (hadn't he noticed it before?). Someone called his name through the door and sighed. A great thump, followed by a skiiiiid suggested someone sitting by the foot of the door, waiting for him to come out. Or answer.

Our protagonist went over to the sink, slowly started to tear the ticket into eighths; then, out of the blue, started shredding them like mad. As if someone had clicked a certain switch in his body.

Then dawn fell. Everything was still, only the sound of the running fridge humming in the dim room.
Nobody came in; nobody came out.

That familiar hotel with a pungent air of tainted leather.
My bed was atop a loft (a falling-apart gallery that is, the type of gallery where it'd be jammed with people overlooking the stage as in Les Enfants du Paradis). My bed was going to collapse any minute now. It's got bed bugs all over; its wooden body is just barely holding itself together. A lumpy, oddly-dusty mattress was hung over it like a corpse, suggesting no sense of comfort.

It is the hotel that reappears in my dreams frequently these days; yet, I didn't notice this until tonight, as I felt a strong sense of recognition being in this scene.
Naturally, this hotel is not populated at all. It is falling apart like a terrible ghost shack,
and I have all my intentions to leave but I simply can not.

The smell is so distinctive, I just can't.

*        *        *

Facing the busiest, most car-populated street ever, there is a 2 story building with its walls made from glass. Heavy beige curtains made from camel's skin are draped all over, ceasing the killer-sunshine from pouring into the room.
I am in the bed at the corner, my curtains opened just slightly so as I can see the view.
There is no view.
"I'm waiting for my rocket," I say, and someone replies, "But how do you make the rocket?"
The room shakes, racking up the city into shredding bits.

I had written a sonnet about forgiveness.

I didn't like it though.

There was a psychiatrist who had the most simple office in a simple building. I stumbled in there by accident.
On the board by the windows, 15 names were scrawled in the same handwriting. One of them had a small exclamation mark beside it. All had the words "confession" lined up to the right, and had semi-detached pieces of Post Its to the right. As I flip one over to see, 8 words greet me;
fusion  worrisome  heartache  divorce  particular  ride  why?  testify
They are all jotted down in a hurrisome, fierce manner.

The Post Its flutter in the air as someone shuts the door. I stand facing the wall, determined not to look back for some reason.
I think of Dorian Gray--I think he has come to fetch something.

*      *      *

Husband and wife sit in the Opera, with their little girl in between. Her eyes are a shade of clear gray, and her face is filled with intense secrecy; her lips are shut tight, but curve a smile now and then. She is about 5 years old. Her father lays down a crumpled brown paper bag by his feet.
"Oh, why the bag Dad? I'm never going back to ballet!" she exclaims, looking at the bag her father had brought back with him. "I don't think it's necessary at all."
There are probably some  leotards and silk slippers sleeping in the bag. Her father shrugs,"Well I can't afford to pay again if you ever decide you want to go back--and that is, after the summer holidays I daresay--after all we had to quit now in April, because the administrator wanted to keep his books straight for the upcoming seasons."
"But Dad," she calmly states, "I have no intention whatsoever of going back. It's going to cost me, and I'm afraid I can't excite myself with ballet anymore; it hurts, it's lonesome, and it's absolutely boring."
"Ennui..." her father mumbles.

Now they are in their summer garden, by a tree of oranges. The air smells like wet honeydew and cardboard.
"Dad, I thought I'd pick some of these," the girl says, pointing at the oranges, "But now that I've thought it over, I think we should pick those," and she points to a different clump of trees in the corner. "These are not organic, I'm afraid."
The father looks worried. "Dear," he begins, "Why are you always soaked in such seriousness? Why don't you go have some fun, kill time reading books and drawing pictures of fancy princesses like any girl surely loves to do?...Here, let me take your basket. Run along now."
The girl says nothing, but slowly puts down her basket on the wet grass. She is wearing ballet slippers. As she starts walking back towards the house, something seems to have caught her eye in the woods. Just as her father turns round to look at the other orange tree she'd pointed out, she sprints through the grass and rustles into the dark shade of trees.
Like a rabbit.

My mum keeps popping up a lot these days!

I didn't remember seeing her as I entered.
I thought I was entering with two of my best friends, one marching before me and the other lagging behind. We were in a shop, a jammed-crammed one with everything you could ever think of.

A whole selection of cowboy boots, phoney glasses, Stylish Shimmering Scarfs("3 for 2!"), glasses of ice tea, empty lip stick containers, quiant fluffy items scattered all across the floors, stuffed geese(hmm?), cherry bottles, diet coke posters with stashes of old Marvel Comics, Snickers(just the wrappers for some reason), a heap of green and purple Chuck Taylors, peach scented body lotion, Mr&Mrs Potato figurines, cosmetic manuals from the late 80's featuring a woman in pin-up curls all over, an arrangement of denim fabrics, colourful feathered hats, etc, etc.....the Harajuku-like craftiness made me wince, just a little.
It was quite blemish.

We lost our tagging friend and I followed my precedator--it was no more the insides of an anonymous shop, but in a miserable patch of the woods. It was haunted.
Someone sneezed.
I felt nothing equivalent of the wonder Lucy must've felt (in the chronicles of Narnia)
I just wanted to go further,
and transport myself a million light years away.

We ended up reaching a wall. We were in the shop again, but in an extremely mousey corner.
It was dusty, old, and murky.
I thought of saying something, but thought better.
My friend then peeled open the wall, like she'd peel an avocado: a slit in the middle, the skin coming apart. I chose to hurridly follow for no good reason--possibly because I was curious.

(Come to think of it, all my dreams are based on my actions deriving from curiosity....)

I wasn't supposed to be here, I now realised.
My friend swerved around, looking extremely aghast.
"Why are you in here?" she slowly growled. It turns out she wasn't who I thought she was.
She was another of my good friends--someone who I can't meet as daily.
"I thought I was to come alone."
"Well....." I thought.

There were 5,6 girls in the room, all looking at pictures and gathered round a great white table.
It was cheerful; the lights probably did the trick.

Dressing rooms always look nice.